boonedog: (anarchy styrockasaurus)
Emma June and I leave to go and stay at the guest apartment at my parent's place on Mercer Island today so that I can go to my PATH workshop tomorrow at Little Bit.  I am feeling very nervous about the whole thing for a variety of reasons.  For one thing I don't know anybody out there and I just did a quick search of their staff on their website to make sure that the crazy lady from last winter, Jan, does not work there.  The one who said I had no business being a therapeutic riding instructor because of my hobby of mounted shooting.  And who has a plan to rid the island of all us horrible pro-gun people and make it the peaceful island it was meant to be.  Anyway, she is not on the staff so hopefully will not be there.  And if she is it doesn't fucking matter.  If she is going to tarnish my image somehow to them and the instructors won't even give me a chance to show who I am outside of gossip then fuck them.  Sigh.

Also, it's supposed to be really hot this week and I think all our classes are outside and I'm hoping I'm ok with that. The hottest day is supposed to be Friday though and we're only in class till 1pm so hopefully it won't get super hot for too long before then.  And I can go back to my folk's place and go swimming in the lake with Emma June.

Then on Saturday I'm volunteering at RTR with a massage booth during their ride-a-thon.  And of course I'm worried that Roehbe and his wife will show up since he's their farrier.  But honestly, why would he? That is a day that he usually works and it's not like he's that involved with them and it's an hour away from where he lives so what would be the draw to go all the way up there? And he doesn't strike me as the kind of person who thinks of going out of his wife to "be there for support" for people.  He kisses up to them because he's got this weird "I'm so honorable because I support our troops" thing going on and he seems to put soldiers up on a pedastal (something I'm sure about them actually having all the qualities he lacks - follow-through, humility, ability to learn and work as a team, integrity, honest, etc).  Anyway, even if he was there, he and maybe he and Sarah would be two people out of however many are going - and I already have Michael, Ashleigh and Cheryl there who like me just fine and are doubtfully going to change their opinion of me just by gossip from him, and Candice and Ethan will be there and I KNOW they won't listen to gossip from him, and Maura is going with me and two new people I befriended at the Summervale show, Gene and Tammy may stop by since they live down there.  So, there are a lot of people I connect with going so worrying about some immature, uneducated little redneck with a chip on his shoulder seems kind of silly.  That's like worrying that there might be a mosquito at the party.  One mosquito, maybe two tops.

So, I'm mostly just anxious about the unknown.  And I feel overwhelmed by stuff we have to do before we leave so instead of getting on it and doing it I feel like just sitting here feeling frozen by "stuff to do".  On that note, I should probably get on it and do all the stuff I need to do before we go catch our ferry this afternoon.
boonedog: (anarchy styrockasaurus)
I need to start packing soon for EJ and my excursion to Yelm tomorrow.  We're catching the 6:20am ferry which is going to be painful.  We're going to try to go to bed very early.  Which will be easier because I do not have to go over to Rheagan's to take care of her animals since they are finally home!  We still have Piggy though. I'm not totally convinced I want to give Piggy back because I'm getting a bit attached to him and he seems to enjoy the company of the dogs, cats and bunnies.  Rheagan's not completely sure she wants to take Piggy back because he's so isolated at her house since his friend died.  We'll see what she says.  We definitely do not need a guinea pig. And in reality we should have another guinea pig friend for him.  Although, he does seem to like to be around the rabbits.

In other news I am nervous about tomorrow.  I realize I don't know anyone who's going to be at this show except Suzanne (who will probably bring Alex) neither of whom I want to see and Asia who is probably bringing Shelley Mauer who I also have no desire to see.  Hopefully, since Shelley decided our friendship needed to end by her cutting me off and not replying to my emails about what I'd done to upset her enough to cut me off - hopefully that means she will avoid me at all costs.  If she is like most people who cut other people out of their life with no explanation whatsoever she will be sure that I will come running to her begging her to be my friend again and will be avoiding me at all costs to not have to deal with the discomfort of needing to tell me she doesn't like me anymore.  At least that has been my experience with people who suddenly decide to stop dating someone or stop being friends with someone by literally never calling them back again, unfriending them on social media and just disappearing.  It's like a power-play or something since people usually want answers and will pursue their ex-friend initially to try and get answers while the ex-friend thinks, "Oh - look at them pursuing me! They really want me back! Oh the power!"  Anyway, if I'm lucky she will avoid me and if she needs to do it while thinking it is because she doesn't want to hurt me by telling me the truth that she doesn't like me anymore then she can have that. If she is that pathetic and weak that she needs to just drop everything and run and hide in hopes that people will pursue her and make her feel important than go for it.  Just don't come out of hiding ever, please.   Of course there is that horrific possibility that she will come up to me and want to sweetly explain why I'm such a horrible person that she had to just suddenly cut off our friendship with no explanation because it was for her own emotional safety because I am blah blah blah ... whatever her crazy-ass little mind comes up with.  But if she does that I have the right to say "I'm busy and I'm not interested, excuse me," and walk away.  And of course Alex will be her usual bouncy little, "Aren't I cute? Don't you just love me?" self.  No, I don't love you you insecure little two-faced troll who is nothing but a shallow image-monger who idolizes two very sick, old bitter women who are out to destroy all other women just to make themselves feel better about how old and withered and pathetic they are.  Actually Audrey is younger than me.  But she is a sad and incompetent horse trainer and knows it and is trying to make up for it by putting everyone else down.  And every time I see her she is bragging about herself and I just don't believe any of it anymore.

So, I am hoping that this is not going to be a horrible experience.  I can always leave! I don't have to stay.  If it turns really ugly or something weird happens, I can just get in my truck and leave.  I can either go to the hotel or come home. I don't have to stay and put up with anything.  But honestly, I'm probably just going to go and have fun doing volunteer chores I've never done before.  And Paula is nice enough and I'm sure I will meet other volunteers. I started scribing by going to a horse show where I didn't know anyone and had no idea how the shows worked or what a scribe a did and I was scribing for Beth Glosten who was pretty intimidating back then especially if you didn't know her.  Then I'd go to Lake WA Saddle Club and scribe at shows where I didn't know anyone.  Plus, I'm going to take a couple of "hostess gifts" to Jennifer and Paula to thank them for hosting these shows and that is always a good networking thing. I'm going to take them a little big with hand cream, sunscreen and a copy of my book.  The sunscreen being the most important.  I figure if I give away little samples enough that word will spread if people like the products.  So, I'm going for networking and the experience of getting to be the announcer and meeting people and watching some beautiful horses.  Jennifer's horses are impressive - she's one of the people who rode with Charlotte Dujaudin. 
boonedog: (anarchy styrockasaurus)
Urgh. I am so sore and have a terrible headache. I think I'm having a flare-up and once again I'm having trouble with the mail order pharmacy who has not sent me my humira even though the doctor called it in a month ago. I was doing ok without it but now I'm starting to really feel the symptoms. Blah.

Work is a mixed bag. I like the paycheck and I'm starting to understand my job, but the wife portion of my mom & pop shop boss duo is really annoying. She admits she has no idea what my job is but then tries to act like a boss and go over my job duties (as best she could figure them out) and find out if everything is getting done because she's not sure it is. But part of why she's not sure it is is that she really has no idea what I do. And she apparently does not totally understand what she is doing either. Thankfully, she does not like to come in very often so she's not there very much. It's much more relaxed when she's not there. She usually rolls in about 9:30 or 10am, then takes a long lunch from noon to 2pm and then I leave at 3pm so I don't have to see her much. She can sound enormously condescending - not just to me but to the other employees and she has even said rather snottily behind Jacob's back, "Oh, Jacob has no idea what he's doing back there I don't think" which more means to me "I have no idea what Jacob does so I project that onto him". I imagine she'll do the same with me but as long as I don't take it on I should be fine. This is not a permanent career move for me - it is a helpful paycheck while it lasts.

As far as permanent career moves go I'm following up on the Path International stuff for training to be a therapeutic riding instructor. It looks like they're having a workshop in Redmond in Sept. so that's pretty cool that I don't have to travel far for that. That would've been expensive. And I found someone in Tacoma who is willing to be my required mentor and a facility in South Tacoma where I can volunteer to get required volunteer hours.

I was supposed to go out to a mounted shooting practice in Chehalis this Sunday but it turns out it is canceled. One of the women I was going to go down to meet down there cleans and repairs blankets for folks on the island and I said I wanted to pick up my horse blankets still so I would come down anyway if she wanted to hang out. She offered to meet me half-way in Lacey and we could go to Cabella's and it turns out that is really close to the Nisqually Nature Preserve so we're going to take the kids and go for a walk there. So, I'm glad that turned out. I was looking forward to meeting her in person because she seems very nice and down-to-earth and I was kind of looking forward to gun shopping with her.

I was a little anxious about going to Chehalis because of the R-issue (I'm tired of typing out the name Roehbe) and fears of running into him especially cause he lives 2 blocks from Ariane (the girl I'm meeting). But as time goes on I'm starting to just not give a shit if I do run into him. I'm feeling stronger about being an ok person even if I do make mistakes and feeling more secure that there really isn't much he could do to me (short of something freaky and violent which hopefully he is not the type to do that and thank god there are actually sheriff's deputies on the island and one across the street from me). Anyway - socially I'm pretty sure I don't need to worry too much about him. If he says shit to Ariane about me at this point hopefully she's mature enough and we've talked enough that she would just ask me about it.

I still have bouts of feeling really humiliated about the whole thing. I find myself wishing I hadn't deleted all our texts so I could show them to a non-biased party (like a therapist) and ask them, "Was I crazy? Was I delusional? Did I make this whole situation up in my head?" I was reading articles the last few days on limerence - or delusional infatuation. I guess trying to figure out if I was delusional to think there was some sort of romantic feelings for a couple weeks between myself and Roehbe. The way he framed it, he was just flirting and being nice and I misconstrued it somehow. I knew logically that he wasn't going to leave his wife for and start dating me but emotionally I at least felt like there was something between us - something that he had purposely separated as "special between just the two of us" and excluding his wife. Which made me feel awful for her.

If I step back and just look at the fact though it was our typical "guy trying to cheat on wife" scenario and I didn't end up falling for it. I mean, my emotions got a little whacked out but I never even touched him and I had the self-preservation sense to after it all started when he came out here to shoe my horses have it fly out of my mouth almost immediately, "We have to stop flirting like this! I can't do this to your wife!" So if anyone was being "the real man" in the situation it was me. If anyone was taking care of and being true to his wife it was me. So, really, I should probably step back, look at the situation and pat myself on the back for being the bigger person and the only one of the two of us with any sense of morals and respect for his wife (who I've never even met). It does hurt my feelings that he was never actually my friend, but then that's compounded by my hurt feelings that Audrey was never actually my friend. Maybe she thought she was my friend but I'm not even sure of that. Who knows. Her idea of friendship might just be that it's ok to talk shit behind your friends backs. Regardless she is not my friend.

boonedog: (anarchy styrockasaurus)
The farmer's market was kind of a bust today. I made $52 which isn't horrible but isn't really worth it. If I add the four weeks I've been there up I have averaged $75 a market. Which I guess isn't too bad - it's $75 for 4 hours of sitting around talking to people. Granted setting up and tearing down is a pain in the ass. But I have a pretty small operation so it's not too big of a deal.

There was a camera crew there for HGTV's show "Island Life" which is apparently about a family thinking of moving to Vashon Island. All we knew was it was a show about living on Vashon, so all us vendors are just sitting there in our booths watching the camera men running around and then we see a "perfect" looking couple in totally stereotypical "island clothes" - the lady has on a sundress and sandals and the man has cargo shorts and a button up shirt and the kids have perfectly messed up hair and tye-dye. And the camera is following them as they walk and look so poised and "fake" but sterotype. And I asked the folks next to me "Who are those people? Do you know those people?" and they said, "No," and we just started asking around "Do those people live here? Have you seen those people before?" and apparently nobody in the booths around me knew who they were. Later we saw them being filmed climbing the tree that all the kids like to climb. It was very staged! I asked one of the pages (gopher? runner?) if they were actors and he said "No, they're regular people" and I said, "Do they live here?" and he said, "No, they're thinking of moving here and it's a show about them thinking of moving here." Ah - so they're not part of the Actors Guild but they did audition and get the part of "playing people who want to move to Vashon". Not surprising. But kind of annoying. I was a little worried about cameras coming to my booth because they often warp things on reality tv and the contracts basically said, "We can totally humiliate you and defame you and there's nothing you can do about it - agreed?" I was kind of hoping EJ would get to be on tv but she didn't seem to care.

It got hot by around 12:30. But it wasn't so bad in the shade. It sucked when we took our tent down though. And a pole on our tent broke which was irritating but might be fixable with some gorilla tape. I'm not going out in the 90 degree weather right now to try though.
boonedog: (anarchy styrockasaurus)
My cough has almost completely gone away which has given going to bed a whole new appeal because I can lay down without starting to cough until I gag. I've been catching up on sleep the last few days.

I had to work 45 minutes late because we had a big order to get out to "the billionaire" - this guy who was friends with Steve Jobs and has some big wig Tibetan Buddhist place in San Francisco that he needed cushions for. Anyway, he didn't like the blue fabric that we had so he sent us a bunch of this nasty wool stuff (that made my hands itch because of the stuff the wool was treated with) that cost about $49 a yard. Anyway, Lidunn sewed 50 cushion skins out of "the nasty stuff" as we called it and we had to finish making all of them today. They looked very nice, they just felt very uncomfortable and of course without my gloves they made my hands itch. Anyway, we had to get it out today so we had to kick ass to get it all done before UPS showed up for their daily pick-up at 4pm. Now I'm tired. But we got it done and it looked very nice (even though who in the right mind is going to want to sit on this stuff? Billionaires are weird). I'm tired now though. Lots of heavy lifting. And I'm already sore from trying out a yoga class on Wed. night.

Yesterday was nice - I went out to the Port Madison Indian Reservation to massage a horse for the Native Youth Horsemanship Program. The lady who runs it lives in a little one room shack that was really cozy and the horses just roam freely around her 30 acre yard. She wanted me to work on her 18 year old stallion and he was so amazingly sweet. He didn't react in any typical "stallion" ways and seemed to really enjoy his massage and yawned and farted a lot and near the end he actually turned his head, nuzzled me a little and tried to groom me as a way of saying "thank you." It was nice that the lady who runs it gushed over how good I was with her horses and how much they liked me and that the stallion is usually stand-offish with strangers but seemed to really take to me. I did say that most horses really like people who massage them so it wasn't too hard to get him to like me. I'm going back in a couple weeks to work on her mare. But since she doesn't have much money I said I'd go out for payment of a couple of her cd's that she made back in the day when she was professional musician in Nashville.

(I started writing that last night - Friday - and got distracted - finishing this Sat. a.m.)

I was supposed to ride in a clinic this weekend up at the park but I couldn't find a ride for Mr. Geir. That was disappointing but now in retrospect I think it turned out ok because I need as much time as possible to catch up on work around the house and yard as I can get. And I'm sore from work yesterday and lifting all those 30 to 40 pound boxes which were big and bulky and not easy to carry. It's not so hard to lift something small that's 40 pounds, but it's a lot harder when you have to carry it with your arms spread way out and trying to balance it.

Next week I have some parents with their little kids coming to meet me about riding lessons so I'd like to have some things - like the grooming area in the carport all set up by then. And I'd like to get the garden done this weekend so I can start planting stuff. Although it's probably fine I waited this long because the night time temperatures keep dropping below 40.
boonedog: (Default)
Mother's Day ended up being my day to do some big cleaning projects. But it's a good thing because that's exactly what I wanted to do. I got the couches deep cleaned for the first time in 8 years (they badly needed it) and made a big dent in the junk pile that is our garage. The garage is actually looking really big now. And I'm looking forward to hopefully finishing up next weekend so that we can hang the heavy bag and start practicing self defense moves.

So, after talking to the police officer last Tuesday I was all psyched to tell Mike to leave us alone next time I ran into him or he yelled at me and I did not run into him. He didn't even seem to be more more than a few minutes here are there. But there's no reason to go knock on his door because he'd just not come to the door. And it's too dangerous to go knock on his door anyway. I need to document the other stuff he's done to harass me because the minute he does it again I'm going to speak up and say "Knock it off" and as soon as I do that I can go get an anti-harassment order because I can only answer "yes" to the question "Have you asked him to stop?"

My stomach is really bothering me this evening and has been it's old gassy/flatulent/painful self since last night. I'm wondering if I ate something on accident that had wheat in it at the auction/dinner last night, or if it is something else that is bothering my stomach. I think I need to keep a journal of what I eat and how my stomach feels in order to figure out what is going on.

I am so grateful today to be a mom to EJ! I'm just really lucky to have such an awesome life with so many great "kids" and friends. I have the best daughter, I enjoy being an extended family to her good friends and we have the best pets too. Now that summer is coming back I'm once again realizing what a great neighborhood we live in as all the kids come out to play in the street and the adults wander from house to house hanging out and talking with each other. JP bought EJ a new bike today because she'd completely outgrown her old one so we gave it to Elise down the street (who turns 4 in a few months). She picked out a really cute magenta mountain bike that hopefully will last her through the rest of gradeschool.
boonedog: (Default)
This is a private journal.
If you would like access to it please email me or add me to your friends list and we'll see what we can do to get you past the wolf.


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August 2016

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